


tactile

by general_tyson



Series: reason to stay [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Firbolgs Need Cuddles To Survive, Fjord doesnt know how relationships work, Fluff, M/M, Relationship Discussions, Secret Relationship, and Caduceus is just vibing, but also someone talk to cad about his family pls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:20:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25999648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/general_tyson/pseuds/general_tyson
Summary: Fjord and Caduceus are in that delightful honeymoon phase in which everything’s a little uncertain, a little fragile, and he’s a little bit terrified of losing it. Or, well, that’s where Fjord is. Caduceus is just happy to hold and be held. Cuddles and conversation commence.**Disclaimer/Spoilers for CR2E114: This was conceived and written before confirmation of canon ace/aro Caduceus. Future fics will be written with this in mind**
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Series: reason to stay [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887076
Comments: 10
Kudos: 115





	tactile

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place sometime before “reason to stay” in which the Nein find out about the pair, but this can be read as a stand alone.

  
  


If any of the Nein ask, the cuddling is strictly because of how godsdamn cold it’s gotten.

(Nevermind the fact that Caleb’s bubble is temperature controlled.)

And it’s not  _ cuddling _ , per se. It’s a strategic closeness of bodies to best preserve heat. Caleb and Veth do it, albeit with a level of awkwardness that wasn’t there when she was a goblin. And Jester will cuddle up to anyone at any time, no matter the temperature. So, it should be perfectly fine that more often than not these days, Fjord and Caduceus sleep a bit closer than they really need to. If it just so happens that this means Fjord can tuck his head under Caduceus’s chin and hear his heartbeat, strong and steady, well, that’s just an added benefit. But really, it’s because of the cold.

Honestly, he’s pretty sure every member of the Nein wants to cuddle Caduceus. Certainly not in the same way Fjord longs for, but the man’s about seven feet of soft fur and long hair, and the rumble in his voice has most of the group wondering if he ever purrs. Fjord thinks he just might, and devotes far too much of his day thinking up ways he might be able to produce that sound. But in the meantime, he’ll settle for the closeness they share going to bed, and how much closer they get when they think everyone’s fallen asleep.

(None of the Nein have said anything about the situation, the few times they wake up to find Fjord and Caduceus wrapped up in each other. Veth occasionally looks like it physically pains her to keep quiet and not bully Fjord, but some days she just looks at them softly. Fjord would call it wistfully, but that doesn’t make any sense.)

And anyways, any discomfort Fjord might feel about being so vulnerable around the rest of the party vanishes every time Caduceus wakes, his hands reaching for Fjord before he’s fully conscious and pulling the other man close. Cad will nuzzle the top of Fjord’s head as he slowly wakes, and under the soft fading pink curtain of hair, Fjord can’t feel anything but comfort. It never lasts as long as Fjord would like; he and the cleric have taken to waking up before the rest of the group, mainly to meditate together, though Fjord will sneak in a chaste kiss as often as he can. Fjord relishes any moment of closeness he has with the man.

(The kissing is a very recent development. It’s on the hand, or cheek, or forehead, but not the lips. Because Fjord  _ wants _ , but he’s not sure how much he’s allowed, and if this delicate thing they have will crumble under his touch if pressed too hard.)

Really, Fjord can’t believe he never noticed how tactile he is. He’s always been more comfortable with touch than Fjord, certainly, but on a scale from Jester, who asks every important political figure she’s ever met for a hug, to Caleb, who shys away from touch like a scared horse, he’s always thought of Caduceus being fairly in the middle. But lately, Fjord’s noticed that anytime he’s within arm’s or leg’s reach of the other man, he inevitably finds some part of Caduceus making contact with him. Knees touching as they commune sitting across from each other, sitting back to back as Fjord sharpens his blade, Caduceus’s hand on his shoulder as they’re holding court in whatever tavern they’re staying in during their times in a town. It’s not something Fjord’s used to, not by a long shot, but it’s Caduceus, so it’s nice.

And it’s something he realizes they should talk about the first time they’re in a town after starting...whatever it is that’s been going on between them.

The Nein don’t know, still, although Fjord suspects Yasha may be on to them--she’s so quiet most of the time that they all miss how much she pays attention. And Caduceus is fairly tactile with everyone, Fjord’s noticed, so he doesn’t think the rest of the Nein see anything different in the touches the two share.

The group barges into the tavern like usual, tired from travel but still prepared to drink each other under the table. Beau immediately dashes to save them all seats at the largest table she can find, Yasha stalking towards the bar for drinks and rooms. The rest gather at the table Beau’s claimed, dropping their packs and slouching against each other.

Once everyone’s at least one drink in, Jester and Caduceus sipping milk and tea, they start dissecting their latest encounter and planning for the future. Caleb drains his tankard and says, “I can figure out what all those items are we picked up, but it will take quite some time. Let me know what we’ve settled on after I’m done, ja?”

Jester and Fjord nod and produce the magic items they acquired, two potions and some sort of midnight blue, almost black shimmering cloak. Jester also digs out the gold and platinum she and Veth scavenged. “Ok, so, everyone gets 153 gold, 3 platinum, aaaaand I’m going to put all the copper into our ‘Diamonds In Case of Killed Suckers’ fund, okay?” Jester says, sweeping the piles of gold and platinum evenly to the party. She pulls out a separate pouch from her pink haversack onto which she’s painted “DICKS fund”, shoving the copper inside.

Fjord sighs. “I don’t know why we let you name the group coffers the dicks fund.”

“Oh! That’s what that means. Thought it was an odd name.” Caduceus looks up from his milk, smiling in that way he does when he’s learned a new word. It’s quite cute. Fjord smiles into his tankard, his thigh pressed against Cad’s under the table.  _ What a lovely coincidence _ , he thinks,  _ that they ended up sitting next to each other _ .

From the corner of his eye Fjord can see Yasha smiling at him briefly, before distributing everyone’s room keys. Fjord and Caduceus share a room, like they always do, which everyone is used to, so there’s absolutely no good reason for Yasha’s smile to be as playful as it is. Fjord can only hope the dim tavern lighting and his complexion hides the heat rising on his face as Caduceus takes the key. 

Thankfully, Caleb draws their attention before his blush is detected, pushing one of the potions forwards, the one with the transparent liquid and something that looks disturbingly like a fingernail floating inside. “This potion will make a person extremely strong for an hour. Strength of a giant, of some kind. I cannot tell what variety. I think it would make one of the ladies quite formidable.” Caleb waves a hand at Jester and Yasha, who examine the vial.

Veth pipes up, her drink forgotten in favor of Beau’s pocket bacon. “Well, obviously, Fjord is the weakest one here, so-”

“Fuck you too Veth.”

“-it should probably go to him, yeah?” Veth grins at Fjord from across the table. “Or we could just make Yasha even more amazing than she already is.”

“I vote Yasha,” Beau says, eyes on Yasha’s admittedly very impressive muscles. “No offense, Fjord, but you still have your magic to back you up. Jester too.”

Jester flashes a grin at the others, “Well  _ obviously  _ I am a very excellent cleric and healer--”

“You’re a cleric? Never knew,” Veth smirks.

The girls erupt into a heated yet playful fight about their various proficiencies and abilities. Fjord shakes his head and lets the conversation melt into a pleasant background noise when he feels a hand placed on his knee under the table. His eyes dart over to Caduceus, looking amused at their chaotic friends, one hand still holding his milk. Fjord leans further into his side under the guise of stretching and Caduceus’s smile widens. 

The night goes on, Caleb informing them the other potion, yellow streaked with black swirls, will make someone very fast, and Beau snatches the potion off the table before he’s done explaining. The final item, the cloak, he says will provide additional protection to anyone, which spouts further debate that Fjord stays out of. He’s happy with his armor, he’s two drinks in and starting to think about retiring to the room after another round when he realizes: this is the first time he and Caduceus will share a room since they started...this thing, they have. This precious and delicate thing, which Fjord fears breaking like he fears any of them dying. 

_ It’ll be fine,  _ Fjord thinks,  _ No different than any night on the road. It’s Caduceus. You like sleeping next to Caduceus. Never mind the fact that you haven’t shared an actual room since you’ve started this, and you have no idea if the room has one bed or two, and Deuces usually prefers to sleep on the floor anyways. Should you sleep on the floor as well? Will Cad want to sleep next to you? Should you just go in and cuddle up like normal or should you talk about it? Gods, we’ve never really talked about this, have we? _

Caught up in his own head, Fjord misses the outcome of the cloak debate entirely and only snaps back into reality when Caduceus drains his cup, rises, and declares he’s off to bed. The sudden absence of warmth at Fjord’s side shocks him out of his stupor, and he barely mutters a “Goodnight,” with the rest of the Nein before Cad’s out of earshot.

Fjord’s side feels unnaturally cold without the cleric’s steady presence next to him, and it’s that thought that gets him to drain his tankard ten or so minutes after Cad goes up, and say he’s going to turn in as well. The group gives the same goodbye, attention on Beau and Yasha who are currently arm wrestling. Fjord drops some silver onto the table and heads upstairs, feeling his feet drag.

_ You’re overthinking this. There’s no reason for anything to be different. Maybe he’ll be asleep when you get in, maybe that’ll make the choice for you. It’ll be fine. _

Fjord takes a deep breath and smoothes his hair down before opening the door as quietly as possible, in case Caduceus is really asleep. Fjord’s not sure if it’s a good or bad sign from the powers that be that Caduceus is still awake, cross legged on the floor brewing a cup of tea. Glancing up at the noise, Caduceus smiles and Fjord feels his shoulders relax.  _ It’ll be fine. _

“Hey, Fjord. Want any tea?”

Fjord closes the door behind him, dropping his pack off to the side. “Course, Cad. Thanks” He gives what he hopes is a furtive glance around the room, which doesn’t take long as it possesses only a bed, a small table with a chair, and a few lanterns.  _ Of course there’s only one bed.  _

Fjord removes his armor while the tea steeps; Caduceus is already in his sleeping clothes and working through the tangles in his hair with his fingers. Taking as much time as possible, Fjord neatly packs up his armor and considers emptying and repacking his bags just for something to do when Caduceus declares the tea ready and gestures for him to sit.

Fjord complies, sitting cross legged across from the cleric and taking a sip; it’s Caduceus’s usual pre-bed blend, some herbs that he’s mentioned and Fjord always forgets the name of. He enjoys this time spent with Caduceus, this nightly ritual they have going on, but without the rest of the Nein around them, chatting and mulling over their own teacups, Fjord’s the sole object of Caduceus’s attention. Doesn’t help matters that on this night in particular, Fjord’s thinking a mile a minute on how to start a conversation about sharing this room.

Naturally, he’s still thinking over how to broach the subject when Caduceus beats him to it.

“You look like you’re overthinking something.”

Fjord chuckles, looking down at his cup. “You’re too good at reading me, you know that?”

“Well, I have a lot of practice. I look at you an awful lot. What’s on your mind?” Caduceus sips his tea, and waits. Fjord knows the man will wait all night for him, if he needs it. Not for the first time, he thinks,  _ He’s too good for you. _

(Also,  _ Gods, was that Deuces flirting? Godsdamn, that’s--that’s cute. _ )

“Do you--do you want to sleep in the bed?”

“Oh, I don’t need to. I usually prefer the floor, really. Thank you, though.”

Fjord sighs, frustrated. “No, I meant-doyouwanttosleepinthebedwithme?”

Cad tilts his head quizzically. “Come again?” His soft smile is sincere but Fjord recognizes that twinkle in his eyes that means he’s messing with him.

Fjord addresses the cup of tea in his hands. “Do you. Want to share the bed with me. Tonight. Or the floor, if you want.”

“I’d be perfectly happy with either of those, Fjord. My feet might hang off the bed a bit, but I’m used to that. Which do you prefer?”

“Uh, the bed? I guess. It doesn’t matter to me either way, whatever you’re more comfortable with, really, could always pull the mattress onto the floor too, that’s an option--”

A soft hand on his wrist silences Fjord’s rambling. “You’re nervous.” It’s not a question. Caduceus’s uncanny ability to peer into a person’s soul never ceases to impress Fjord, but right now he’s not sure he wants that level of scrutiny. Still, even under the intense stare Fjord can feel the affection radiating off of Caduceus, and he feels some of the tension in his shoulders dissipate. 

“Yeah, I am. It’s stupid, really. I’m just.....not used to--to this.” Fjord waves a hand between himself and the cleric as if that can in any way sum up the depths of his feelings. “Sharing a bed with someone. Being close, like that. It’s new, for me.”

Sometime during his confession Caduceus set down both their teacups to hold Fjord’s hand in both of his. “I don’t think your feelings are stupid, Fjord. Although, I would like to remind you that we’ve been cuddling together a number of nights for awhile now. Not exactly new.”

“Yes, but, that’s around the others, it’s always-we’re not as close as, you know, I would like. And I like being close to you, Deuces, of course, it just...it feels different, now that we’re alone. Not a bad different, but.”

“Fjord. Close your eyes. And tell me what you want.”

Fjord obeys. Takes a deep breath. “I just want to be close to you.”

When he opens his eyes, Cad’s smiling. “Excellent. Go lay down, then.” Standing abruptly, Caduceus gathers up the kettle and cups, setting them on the table and cleaning with a flick of his wrist. He glances at Fjord, who’s still on the floor. “Well?” Fjord jumps to his feet, looking around the small room quickly before deciding on the bed. He pulls back the thin blankets and lays down on the side next to the wall, lying on his back and resisting the impulse to cross his hands over his chest like he’s a corpse.

Caduceus snuffs out the one lantern, bringing the other as low as it can go, and climbs into the bed next to Fjord.  _ He was right, his feet do hang off,  _ Fjord thinks before Caduceus tugs the blankets over them and turns on his side to face Fjord, bending his knees to fit and stretching an arm over Fjord’s chest. Fjord grabs his hand instinctually, running his fingers over the soft fur. 

Caduceus’s smile is just visible in the near pitch black. “How does this feel?”

“Good.” And it does. The two men spend so much time within arms reach these days that Fjord’s begun to feel incomplete when the cleric isn’t close, and  _ that  _ is a thought that Fjord should probably examine at some point, but. One thing at a time.

“If I hadn't said anything, what would you have done?”

Caduceus considers that, running his free hand through Fjord’s hair. “Huh. I didn’t really think about it. I probably would have just laid down wherever you were.”

_ Of course you were the only one overthinking this. Stupid. _

Hoping his thoughts don’t show on his face, Fjord chuckles. “Course. Don’t know why I’d expect any different. I’ve noticed how tactile you can be. I like it.” Fjord adjusts so he’s facing Caduceus reaching with his free hand to cup the cleric’s face; Caduceus melts into the touch. “See, just like that.”

It’s Caduceus’s turn to chuckle. “Mm, that’s nice. Your hands are nice.” Fjord hopes Cad’s vision isn’t good enough to see him blushing. “You’re right, I do like being close to people. I mean, I did grow up with a lot of siblings. Colton and Calliope tossed me around plenty, and as soon as Clarabelle was old enough to hold onto anything she generally preferred to hang off of some part of me as I went around the Grove. There was pretty much always someone around, to be close to, until. You know...” Caduceus trails off, shifting in bed to prop his head up with one hand, the other still carding through Fjord’s hair.

“I think it’s also just a general firbolg thing? Only ones I really knew were my family. I know there was a clan or two who moved around the Savaliarwood but we never really interacted much. Corrin might’ve traded with them, the few times they came by. But when we were all young, all the kids shared a room and pretty much slept in a pile together. The others grew out of that, a bit, or so they said. I think Colton missed it and didn’t want to admit it, but. So, yeah. Getting to be close to you all is nice. This is nice.”

In the faint lamp light Fjord can see the other man pause, biting his lip as he composes his next sentence.

“It--it makes me miss them.”

Fjord, briefly distracted by the sensation of Cad’s hand in his hair, starts at the admission and remembers his hand on the cleric’s face and moves to rub his thumb across his cheek. “We’ll find them,” Fjord whispers in the dark, “We will. I know this group gets off track quite a bit, but we won’t forget it. We’ll take care of it.”

_ I’ll take care of you _ . 

Caduceus sighs and uses the hand he has in Fjord’s hair to pull the two closer, foreheads touching. They remain like that for a minute, just long enough for Fjord to worry he’s said the wrong thing somehow, or that Caduceus saw through to what he wasn’t saying, and he’s just about to start talking again, no idea what he’s about to say, when Caduceus presses a feather soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Thank you, Fjord. That..that means a lot.”

_ Anything for you. _

“Of course, Deuces.”

Fjord lets his hand wander from Caduceus’s face down his shoulder and arm, daring to circle as far down as the man’s waist before moving back up to repeat the process. With every round Caduceus seems to melt further and further into the bed. There’s a small ember in Fjord’s chest that glows and pulses every time the cleric lets out a contented sigh that lets Fjord know he’s doing something right. They’re both starting to drift off, Cad’s fingers in his hair slowing as well, when the cleric speaks.

“Having you here is nice. Haven’t had a, a boyfriend before. Is that the right word? Seems like all of Jester’s books use ‘lover’ which sounds like a lot, but I’ve heard her talk about boyfriends too. I don’t know that my parents really had a word for it, they were just...each other’s. Didn’t name it.”

Fjord splutters when Caduceus says ‘lover’ but composes himself by the end of the man’s musings. “I don’t wanna shock you, Deuces, but I, uh, haven’t had a, a boyfriend before, either. Or, I guess, a lover. Though that word does sound sort of strange, now that you bring it up. I’m not opposed! If, uh, if that’s what you would want to call...whatever this is?” He figures it has to be a trick of the fading lantern light, the way Caduceus’s face scrunches up when he says ‘lover,’ because it passes just as soon as he notices it. “Although, uh, the thing your parents do sounds nice. Just being each other’s person, or whatever.”

“Mm, I think that sounds real nice, “ Caduceus yawns mid-sentence, snuggling in to tuck his head under Fjord’s chin. He can’t imagine that’s very comfortable with their height difference, but there’s no way Fjord will complain, overloaded with affection as he is. “Let’s go with that.”

“Well, person of mine, I think it’s about time we go to sleep. Want me to put out the lantern?”

“Nope, you’re not allowed to get up, ‘m too comfy. And besides,” Caduceus cracks open an eye to look up at Fjord and snaps his fingers, extinguishing the light with his thaumaturgy, “‘That’s what magic is for.”

“Smart-ass.”

“Learned it from you.” 

Whatever reply Fjord might conjure is lost to the pull of sleep, Caduceus securely wrapped in his arms and the ember in Fjord’s chest gently pulsing, spreading warmth to each point of contact he has with the cleric. 

_ His cleric. His person. _

Fjord falls asleep with a smile on his face.

  
  


.......

  
  


They oversleep, the next morning. Fjord feels like after a night of so much emotional honesty, they’ve earned it. Well, he has, at least. For Caduceus, a night of baring his soul is just another Grissen, but this relationship talk is uncharted territory for them both, so Fjord figures they get a pass. He’s grateful, anyways, that they’re allowed this time together, whether it’s by the Wildmother’s grace or the fact that most of the Nein are too hungover to wake up early--probably a combination of the two. He’s so grateful, in fact, that he hardly minds when a knock at the door comes, Yasha peeking her head in to see if they’re awake. Fjord barely registers that he and Caduceus are wrapped up in a decidedly not-just-friends way, one hand tangled in his long pink hair and the other on his heart, as he mutters a “Five m’re minutes,” and lays back down, head on Caduceus’s chest. His eyes are open just long enough to see Yasha smile in that soft, sad way of hers, and close the door, leaving the men to their morning and to each other.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where I got my Firbolgs Need Cuddles To Survive idea but I'm down for it. Come yell at me in the comments if this is any good!
> 
> Items are cloak of protection, potion of speed, potion of stone giant strength, chosen mostly at random


End file.
